I forget what I DO when I am ANGRY

Hello friends. Today Daniel want to share with you his huge problem that makes his life a burden. He hope you will support him.
"In my childhood I was an even-tempered child. Parents were just happy, because I really could get along with everyone - from wild dogs to old ladies in the park. And I have never had the desire to hurt someone.
Even after I grew older, at the age of 12, when guys of my age used to fight actively at the drop of a hat, I preferred to settle conflicts by talking. I have never been humiliated on this occasion, because I am quite large and athletic by nature. And if I wanted to, I could easily put someone right out with one blow, even a high school student, but I really did not see any sense in it. Perhaps I could feel great among hippies, because their philosophy was close to mine – people should love each other instead of fighting, because there is always the chance to reach understanding.
I liked and respected sports, but I simply didn’t understand all these fights. So my parents suggested me to start training at weightlifting – that helped me to use both broad shoulders and strength, and at the same time I didn’t have to cripple anyone. The truth was that from regular trainings I only became bigger and more massive, and many people began to keep away from me. My friends even joked that I had a soul of a cute daisy in the body of a giant.
But when I was 15, my parents and I had an accident. Nothing serious, we just broke the car and got a couple of fractures for the three of us. Then the doctor diagnosed a cerebral commotion and displacement of the vertebrae, so I had to walk in a plaster collar, but it could be much worse.
The time passed and I continued to live a normal life. But one day while walking with friends, I discovered a terrible thing. Some robbers approached us and demanded to give them our money and phones. As usual, my friends put me forward. One of robbers pushed me, and the last thing I remember was some kind of darkness, which covered me.
I woke out of trance on the pavement, covered in blood, but the blood was not mine. The robbers around me were beaten to the state of vegetables, with fractures and other greetings from my fists. And I really did not remember anything. My friends came to me only after five minutes - before that time they were hiding under the benches and looked really scared.
They told me that the whole massacre was organized by me. They said that I was just furious, heard nothing and only methodically kept beating the robbers even when they stopped showing signs of life. One of them took out a knife and tried to hit me from the back, and I almost pulled his hand out of his body. My friends shouted at me and tried to stop the fight, but when I turned to them, they decided that it would be better to hide.
Then we ran away and did not say anything to anyone about what happened there. It emerged that the robbers survived and tried to tell about me to the police, but no one believed them. Because they were criminals and I wasn't, besides, I was in good standing with anyone who knew me.
And then it began to appear constantly. Being angry, I could lose control and rushed at the offenders, and then I could not remember anything. But despite this, I still remained to be the person who did not have the anger in the nature at all! I never liked to be involved in any conflict! I felt as if I was replaced with someone else.
The worst thing almost happened when my ex-girlfriend said that she was in love with another guy and wanted to leave me honestly. I loved her so much, that it would have hurt me in the usual state too, and when I heard her words ... I almost crippled her and beat her pretty much.
In general, the doctors told me that I was definitely ill. I am not too good at human medicine, but the problem was that this old injury had wrung out something in my head and the hormones stopped doing as it should. And I became aggressive and dangerous for society. Nobody knows how to treat me, except for isolating in a psychiatric hospital. They made some tests and released me with a medical certificate.
Well, I decided that I did not want to live like this. I learned to be a cabinetmaker. It turned to be a very meditative profession. I also study yoga and try to leave the house less and avoid getting in touch with people. I really do not want to get into the psychiatric hospital at a young age and to live with the thought that my abnormality can kill someone. In fact, I placed myself under house arrest.
It cannot be treated, but it is not in my habit to give up. I am still struggling, and I hope in the future to have a normal family, children and a beloved woman. In the meantime, I prefer to throw out all my anger into work".

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