The 5 Types of Guys That Jason Will Date

Music and lyrics by Nathan Katz, Copyright 2019. All rights reserved.


Jason, I’m gonna miss you when you go,
You’ve been the best of friends you know,
If life’s a stage, you’ve given me a show,
Just so you to know, before you go,

To New York! New York! Where the
Sky is painted rainbows, and the
Guys are young and gorgeous, and the
Streets say “come explore us”,

We await your scalpel and your drill,
So show them all your surgeon’s skill,
You’re charming and you’re dressed to kill,
So grab that cup, and drink your fill,

And by the way, I’ll clarify,
When I say “drill” I mean that diamond
headed, threaded, black and decker,
Not your 9-inch double decker.

Although you’ll be a fine home-wrecker
With that smile and charm of yours
Disarm the boys on broadway,
And alarm the broads at Smorgasburg’s

Next, I’ve got a listicle,
I wouldn’t normally do this on principle.
Cuz it’s literary garbage, but this is worth the wait,
It’ the 5 Types of Guys that Jason will Date!


You’ll trail-blaze your way into the
Gay embrace of some young guy,
The 1st will be a ballet dancer, and
Some fine night you’ll catch his eye,

Across the staging for swan lake,
You’ll marvel at his grand jeté,
And he’ll say “Jason, I’m under your spell
Cuz you can reconstruct my ACL”

The 2nd will be a Nurse, I think,
He isn’t out, but you see the pink
Designer socks, so understated
That he wears, and he’ll say “Jason,

I have waited for this day,
To come out - no-one knows I’m gay,
But it’s so scary, will you help me?”
And you’ll say “Darling, it’s unhealthy

To continue on like this, I’ll
Help you navigate the twists,
Of coming out - so be a man!
And I’ll be there for you any way I can!”

The 3rd will be a 3rd year clerk,
He’s young, but you will make him work,
And you’ll fall in love when you hear him say,
“Yeah, drive that nail!” on a THA,

Number 4 you won’t expect,
In fact, at first, you will reject, him
But skin deep, was first impressions,
And you will learn this useful lesson,

And then the romance soon will blossom,
Into something sweet and awesome,
But a disappointing quickie is a bit of a snag,
Cuz a bad blow-job is a big red flag,

The 5th, you’ll meet on L&D,
An accoucheur, he’s only 23,
With dark green eyes and wavy hair,
You start to date, it’s going somewhere,

Then one day he’ll say “Jason tell me true,
It’s been a year since I fell in love with you,
You’re smart, you’re witty, I see our future,
So come on…. let’s tie the suture!”


So, that’s the story I predict,
Of Jason’s fascinating Dick-
-enzian trawl through lower Manhattan,
I wish I could be there to see it happen,

But I guess I’ll settle for the second best thing which is
Gloating in the prescience of my predictions,
Keep me in the loop so we can plan a beer,
When I come visit you in the New Year,

So Jason, go make your Gay escape,
Brooklyn beckons, Queen’s awaits,
Goodbye Kingston here’s a prayer,
6 years was enough, Hell yeah!

And when you finally find you’re heading
Into married bliss, So long as
You invite me to your wedding,
Then I will write you one more song…

Music,Comedy,Medicine,